Every now and then, I share something with someone over a drink that makes them laugh so hard and then stop, trying to reconcile the story I’ve told them with their own imagine and understanding of who I am. In the spirit of that, I give you 5 Funny Things about me that have nothing to do with writing.
5. I have absolutely no dating department. Think of the Pixar movie Inside Out, in my case, it’s not that the person in the “Dating Intelligence Department” is lazy or incompetent, there’s just an old dusty chair that has no signs of ever having been sat in. Twenty years ago, it resulted in a particular woman looking at me like I was insane for having asked her if I could kiss her. Then when she frowned and said no, I then burst into an explanation of my honest intents, my understanding of human social dynamics and well… imagine my brain, emptying out every other department, hoping that something, SOMETHING FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, would stick. Incredibly, after a long silent period, she proposed a second date. We’ve been together ever since and have 3 kids.
4. I do stand up comedy routines that I make up on the fly, regularly. They include voices, accents, the whole works. Imagine your grueling leader of a multi-million dollar project suddenly becoming Chris Rock having an argument with Optimus Prime about where did, or didn’t, a dog piddle, and then pulling all that madness back inside, and asking you to focus. Yes, that’s me. Thankfully, I don’t do tech work anymore. I have been told, many times, that I should be an actor or stand-up comedian, but really, I think I like sitting far too much.
3. I am a master of treating a non-alcoholic beverage as if it is an alcoholic beverage. I spend way, way too much time watching how people behave, how social situations transition through certain stages. Once I was in a bar where a friend didn’t believe me to the point where she swiped my drink and took a sip and almost spat it over everyone, she looked at me and yelled “OH MY GOD IT’S REALLY APPLE JUICE.” Yes, well, I did mention that.
2. I have terrible balance. I can be standing perfectly still and talking with someone, and then it seems like the planet shook, but just for me. There’s nothing like the look of surprise on someone’s face when someone looks like they’re on the bridge of the Enterprise when it’s just been hit by a surprise photon torpedo.
1. Obviousness hurts. I can’t watch some shows or movies because it is so obvious as to what’s going to happen that is physically painful. Some business meetings used to be that way, and I’d look like I was in pain (like an alien was about to burst out of me), and then I’d crash the conversation, go up to the whiteboards and explain to everyone what the only conclusion the entire meeting could come to was. This would usually result in some silence, then mild discussion and agreement, and then a lot of strange looks.
Let’s make this a meme, but it’s open. If you’d like to post 5 funny things that have nothing to do with writing, comment here and I’ll add you in as an official link, just link back to this posting!