Fake 5 Tips for Making a Great List

[Sarcasm & over the top voice, engaged] 

You’ve seen others do it. You’ve smiled, you’ve chuckled, why once you even laughed so damn loud and hard that you banged on the table, flipping it over and hitting the waiter in that small cafe right in the head. As the crowd gathered around the debt-drowning university student as he lay unconscious on the ground bleeding, one thought kept going through your head, how could you create a great list like that?

5. Always start with the highest number in your list! People will want to get to number one, but if you have a really good one to start with at a high number, they’ll be intrigued enough to read the next one. Numbers are important, they have a smell, a taste, a joy-de-vivre… and whatever you do, don’t get clever and use mathematical formulas, numbers need to stay… picture-y.

4. Zany and simple stuff get attention, especially with exclamation marks!! But don’t get all philosophical, professor! This isn’t about changing the world, just changing the focus from one distraction to another one, your one, your most awesome one of the moment.

3. Make the odd numbered ones extra punchy, BAM BAM! Throw in a photo if you have to, do whatever’s needed to keep them going. What’s that? Think they might bail on you? Well, get their attention and then

2. finish it in the next point! Now they’re just that much closer to number one. They aren’t going to leave you, just nudge them on. Even a weak #2 won’t prevent them from getting to…

1. There it is. Voila. You’ve got them here. All it took was some simple numbering, a bit of time. BAM! The big payoff comes when they start spreading the word and you get all the clicks, sending you on your way to fame and fortune.

You want to thank me, don’t you? Why… What’s that? I… I haven’t helped you? But this is one of those blog entries that’s all about helping you. I flaunted my success, I showed that I know how to do this, and yet you want more? Why I learned everything I know about doing these types of blog entries from those “how to become a highly successful author” blog entries that are: crap, crap, crap, lucky as a kid catching an asteroid in a baseball glove on Christmas as he falls from an airplane or playing games to hide that if you buy their book you’ll actually help make them the success they’re already claiming to be, and crap. Those types of blog entries don’t lie! I’ll tell you what, I wasn’t going to do this, but I feel responsible for you. You feel I click-baited you, that I lead you on, that I didn’t give you the goods. Some time next week, I’ll post what you need do to. How’s that?

Where are you going?



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