Answers for July Ask Dreece Anything

We had some fun on Sunday, on Twitter with an Ask Dreece Anything (given that Ask Adam Anything was seemingly taken). I’ve grouped them by the requester and recommend you follow them on Twitter, they are awesome, engaging, fun people.

Some questions are silly, some strange and some are really poignant, maybe even revealing.

From @DebbieORiley

Q: Best book, film & song ever and why?

A: Wow… Two of my favorite movies are Gladiator and Fifty First Dates. The rise, fall and rise of Maximus resonates with me because of a lot of things I have been through. Fifty First Dates is about being unrelenting, about having a vision and loving and not being willing to let that die, to build a bridge across any chasm.

As for book, I’d say Brave New World because it really “unlocked” my mind in grade 10. I understood it at a level that my classmates didn’t. While it reinforced my sense of being alone, I felt as if it told me that colouring outside the lines was not a nice thing, it was a required thing for some people.

Song? This is really hard, but I think Lithium by Evanescence. I’d probably need 250 words just to talk about that song. Suffice it to say that I understand mental illness, I understand the false floor and false ceilings its medication can cause, and I understand that feeling of being trapped within yourself. Mister Jones by the Counting Crows would be a distant second.

From @hay_humphrey

Q: If you could meet and chat to one dead novelist or poet, who would you chose?

A: Aldous Huxley. I mention Brave New World later and a bit of the effect it had on me. I’d love to understand what he saw happening in the world and everything that he crammed into that book, and how he different from George Orwell.

From @SivParker

Q: The promotion for the adaption of #FSOG has started….do you think it will be as financially successful as the books?

A: No, I think there are some boundaries that are easier to cross in literary media that when presented visually will go against moral codes and ‘sensibilities.’

From @nikostar

Q:Will Tyrion die on Game of Thrones?

A: Yes, in a clown suit, in season 9, in the library, by a candle stick, by Colonel Dothraki.

Q: Are animals truly unable to speak words or do they simply chose not to?

A: I had started to answer and then the council of bunnies came to my door. Apparently, they ah… what’s that Whiskers? Okay, I’ll edit that out… Apparently no they cannot speak.

Q: Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry?

A: After I phone 867-5309 and spoke to the Common Chameleon, I realized that you really are, and always have been, my Eye of the Tiger.

Q: If Jon had 21 math problems and Sue had 40 math problems and they gave them to me, how many dead bodies would there be?

A: Every time I run the numbers, I come up with 3 BUT you are still alive. Don’t let THEM take my honours bachelor’s of Mathematics away for this. I can’t figure it out!

Q: What is one thing you always fear whilst writing?

A: That what I successfully did last time was a fluke, that I won’t be able to pull off a gripping story that makes readers jump up and down and run screaming into the malls and grab strangers and yell in their faces “YOU HAVE TO READ THIS BOOK.”

I also fear that I won’t “love” the story I’m writing the same way I did the previous one.

Q: When will I receive my Hogwarts letters?

A: Let me check the Muggles list here… hmm…

Q: Woodchucks DO chuck wood, so why do we ponder ‘how much’ and ‘if’?

A: Why does the US Congress talk about helping people and then do absolutely nothing? Mysteries of the universe.

Q: What’s your opinion on manatees?

A: They should NEVER been ridden!

Q: Why do I always get a headache after I eat carbs?

A: It could either be because the spike in your blood pressure is more than your system is used to handling, potentially caused by childhood malnutrition (I am not a doctor, nor have I played one on TV) or you “inhale your food” literally and it’s a sinus issue.

Q: Who knows? And who cares?

A: Um, a bit vague here, I’m going to go with “NSA” and “NSA” on this one.

Q: How do you know when your book is ready to be published?

A: That’s a great question that needs more than a glib answer. For book 1 and 2 of The Yellow Hoods there have been fan expos that I’ve aligned their launch with. That means I had a very specific timeline to work with.

Now that said, I wasn’t going to release “just anything”, I had to feel that each part of the story grabbed me and wouldn’t let me go. This produced no end of panic in me during those periods, and while I’m going through edits right now, I’m looking at the clock and thinking of the days until we have to get things proofed and the million other things to do.

But the REAL test, is reading the story to my daughter and getting her feedback. She is my muse, and my wife is my sanity check. If I feel it’s solid, and then feel it’s solid, then it’s good to get moving into publication.

From @shayraystevens

Q: Writing is no longer an option. What’s your second dream job?

A:  Acting.

Q: Name the one genre of book you don’t ever see yourself writing. Even if someone offered you a bazillion dollars.

A: Erotica. As a second one, psycho-thrillers.

From @SonyaCraig15

Q: What are the significance of the color yellow in the Yellow Hoods?

A: It represents renewal, idealism and change.

Q: What should I do if I’m sexy and I DO know it?

A: Call Right-Said-Fred and let him know, he’ll take you off the “Need to inform these people they are sexy beasts” list.

Q: Why is there so much pain in the world?

A: I do wonder if the insecurity inherent in humankind will ever be extinguished or if it is a vital part of our collective conscious, is it needed to allow us to rise above what we have done before. Without it we won’t invent, but without it would we feel the same need to create inequity? And is inequity inherently wrong? If I work twice as hard as my neighbour, is it not right that I have twice the reward? What if I work half as hard but ten times as smart?

Pain can be fuel for creativity. Pain by injustice can only have one purpose, to force us to address the lies we have that stands between us and our actual views on justice and morality.

Q: Meep Meep?

A: Warning: I do not buy or use ACME inventions. This could get ugly.

Q: Why squirrels and purple?

A: Purple squirrels are the mystical engineers behind the rainbow generators. They are mutant squirrels, having evolved to control the colour spectrum before the magic gnomes invented *REDACTED*.

Q: What IS over the rainbow?

A: Purple squirrels secret base. Do not go. The leprechauns went once, they never were seen again.

Q: How many Emergent SteamPunk writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Given that there’s just me in that space, it’s a good thing I can handle it myself.

Q: Is your bullshit-detector-quotient as high off the charts as your IQ?

A: What kind of BS question is this? I mean… WAIT A MINUTE!

Q: Why isn’t the plural of squid a squad?

A: Originally it was Squio, they also tried Squidi but in the end, it looked so very wrong when written in hieroglyphs that they decided to go with Octopi. I’m still confused, but the grand Purple Squirrels have said it must be so, and the council of bunnies (see below) supports them.

Q: Fill in the blank: I’ve got 99 problems but ___ won’t be one.

A: crying in the corner in a ball, crushed by failure

Q: Where did all the rum go?

A: I put it in a jar and sold it to a frog.

Q: Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?

A: Go talk to this frog, careful, he has a jar.

Q: How do I get out of this jar and why is there a frog in here with me?

A: You’ll need to tell the frog half a joke twice, two halves make a hole. Climb out the hole. How did you get in there? I warned you about the jar in the previous answer.

Q: Will you buy monocles for your whole family including pets and take a picture for us?

A: I will certainly not buy a monocle for that dog. She gets a hot air balloon AND a monocle? NO WAY!

Q: You can only have one: halo or monocle?

A: Are we talking large orbiting ancient ring world halo, or an angelic halo? Because ah, if we’re talking about the ring world, I’m going for the ring world. Unless it has … no, that’s okay, as long as I have plenty of ammo.

From @DebiVSmith

Q: Where are the baby bottles?

A: In the wolverine cage.

Q: Why couldn’t Peter the Pumpkin Eater keep his wife?

A: Who wants to be a kept woman? He put her in a pumpkin shell. Really, is that way to treat an intelligent, beautiful woman who sought only to help him in his agricultural dream?

Q: Why are seven year olds so dramatic?

A: Having a nine year old, THEY AREN’T. They are simply trying to break you in, so that you aren’t SHOCKED OUT OF YOUR MIND when they are nine.

Here’s a warning from your future, run.

Q: Where is the green Rubbermaid tub?

A: You loaned it a week ago to the butcher, the baker and the candlestick maker.

Q: Seriously, why won’t this headache go away?

A: Hang on… okay, try thinking now, is it better? How about now? Let me reboot my remote.

Q: Why do hummingbirds fight?

A: THEY HAVE FREAKING EPEES ON THEIR FACES, how do they NOT constantly sword fight?

Q: What do you get when you cross SteamPunk with erotica, suspense, rock & roll, and Mozart?

A: Fan-fic.

From @ImMCarvalho

Q: Which scenario is more devastating: your monocle gets steamrolled or your SteamPunk coat spontaneously combusts?

A: Bye bye monocle… sob sob, why do you do these horrible things Maria? WHY?

Q: You’re stranded alone on a desert island. Shockingly, there’s no wifi. What 3 items do you most want to have with you?

A: Satellite phone, a genie bottle with three wishes, and an infinitely charged laptop. Sat-phone for internet, laptop to writing, and the genie to take care of everything else.

Q: Which actress would you like to see play Tee when the Yellow Hoods hits the big screen?

A: My daughter, but failing that, someone who is like a younger Natalie Portman. As for Richelle (for those who have read the beta of book two) Scarlet Johansen. If she was younger, she’d be Gretel. And NO this is not an excuse to just be close to the awesomeness that is SJ… not entirely.

From @Melindrea82

Q: But what about the children?

A: Don’t worry, I locked them in the cellar like you asked. The Purple Squirrels (see earlier) are coming for them in the morning. That…ah… that is what you’re asking, right? Otherwise, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT… *purges web history*

Q: Which superhero would you like to see as another gender?

A: Batgirl.

From @BooksNoRules

Q: Why did I watch that celebrity wife swap between Ric Flair and Roddy Piper?

A: You’re afraid that manuscript you’ve been working on will make you the next J.K.Rowling and once you have that success unleashed upon you, the media scrutiny will be so intense you will have to rid yourself of your sick, twisted, low life pleasures like watching shows like that. Also, you didn’t want to watch Celebrity Apprentice, that stuff will kill ya.

Q: Is your monacle secretly google glass so you can watch cat videos?

A: AH… no, it is not for watching CAT videos. I think I’m safe now…

Q: What’s the best way to extract teeth broken below the gumline by yourself?


Q: Is it wrong to flirt with Amish women.

A: No as long as you are respectful. But if they flirt back, I doubt they’re Amish or intend to stay that way.

Q: Why am I asking you dumbass questions?

A: Because your analytical mind isn’t sure whether or not this is a legitimate question and answer session, and therefore figures that given the trend of other people to submit ridiculous questions, you are holding off asking anything serious. The thing is, there are some serious questions in here and you have missed your opportunity to gain wisdom and insight.

From @StickFigureLeo

Q: Do you know the way to San Jose?

A: Go to San Fransisco Airport, take the 90 to El Camino Real, drive south. When you pass Sunnyvale, keep an eye out. Stop at the point where it says “San Jose.”

From @DEmeryBunn

Q: Black or White?

A: Talk to Siv Parker above. It’s 50 shades of grey. And by shades, I’m assuming they mean window coverings, and for the record, that’s a lot of window coverings.

Q: Eenie, Meenie, minie or moe?

A:  Seriously? Minie, OBVIOUSLY. Geez, disgusting to even bring up Eenie and moe… just… and Meenie is still in jail for that crime of WHICH WE WILL NOT SPEAK.

Q: Given a crowbar and a gravity gun, would you eat a pimento cheese sandwich?

A: No, because I am severely lactose intolerant.

Q: If you ruled the world, what one thing would everyone have? What wouldn’t they? Would we have jetpacks finally?

A: The one thing everyone would have would be FSE (food, shelter and an education – I cheated, but I rule the world, so EAT IT). There would no longer be any stupid people, so the world population would be around 1500. YES we would all have jetpacks.

Q: And will the crowd go wild when they do something awesome? Or will there be an excessive celebration penalty?

A: Assuming this is about taking over the world, there will be wild celebrations, just like Dick Cheney said there would be.

Q: Which is more awful: Clubbing baby seals or killing elephants for their tusks

A: Rather than dodge the question, I think killing elephants. They are clearly sentient, hold values, have a concept of family, and paint.

Q: When will Tee find out she has a long lost twin sister named Dee?

A: In the Yellow Hoods, Tee may very well find out she has a long lost sibling in book 4 or 5, but guaranteed, the name will not be Dee, or Eenie, Minie or Moe.

From @ebThompson93

Q: Star Trek or Star Wars? or Stargate?

A: After much consideration, the answer for once and for all, settled for all time, is Star Wars. However if you factor out season 1 of ST:TNG uniforms, then it tilts in favour of Trek, but if you factor out all Jar-Jar scenes of Episodes 1-3, that tilts it back.

Q: Favorite superhero and why?

A: When I was young it was Spider-Man, specifically from the comicbook Peter Parker the Spectacular Spider-man. His amount of genius and self-doubt really resonated with me. I always wanted to be Iron Man, with the genius to create things and affect the world. After Marvel failed to retain the progressions in Peter Parker (working for Tony Stark), I found the idea that a genius “loser” wasn’t really of interest to me. Thus it became, simply Iron Man.

Q: What is the answer to life, the universe and everything?

A: Having considered becoming a Free Mason and decided against it after meeting several of them, I can tell you it is apparently to either destroy ourselves by subdividing our tribes into to more and more intolerant sub-tribes, or it is to find a means to rise above the cosmetic differences and become ‘the first peoples’ of the universe, to become ‘the ancients’ for those who will evolve into sentient beings millions of years from now. Sadly, my money is on the first.

Q: What would you do if the stars went out? Slowly, one by one?

A: First I’d wonder if I was dreaming, then I’d wonder when Galactus was coming for us.

From @aweezazee

Q: Have you ever thought you might be an alien or thought everyone else might be?

A: Myself, yes but I figured that wasn’t because my people never came to get me. soooo alone…

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